I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
