Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
