Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
