absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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