You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
