my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
