i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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