haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
