Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
