My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am mentally ready for anal.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
