remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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