she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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