Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
