i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
