is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
