Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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