I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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