I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
