I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
