Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
