Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
