I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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