If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
