You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
