proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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