Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My ATM looks so different sober.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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