happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
