im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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