i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
