I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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