my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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