i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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