just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
