I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
