I wannas sexs uuuuu
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
