i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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