Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
