I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
