Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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