when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
