She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
