Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
