he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
