Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
