we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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