I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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