he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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