This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
