woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if only i could text you this smell
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
