We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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