You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
