Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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