You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
